New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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