my sisters under your porch take her home
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we're making bets on your personal life
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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