I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
