Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
