dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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