Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
