It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
