but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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