Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
