I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
