I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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