I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
