like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
