I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
