Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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