i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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