Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
