Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
