I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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