probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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