I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
