hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
