the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
