I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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