C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
