So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
