i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
