I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
