dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he thought i was a dude.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
