im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We are all done wearing pants today
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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