Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
