Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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