I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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