shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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