His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Terrible idea I love it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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