Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
