Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ttyl tear gas
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
