I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
