i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
