Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
