so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
