I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
