did you get engaged???
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
