I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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