How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
