Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
