Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
