I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
