u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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