Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
