i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
