oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
