I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
