Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
