I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
