in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
