i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
