I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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